ding.

My bags are unpacked. My journal is filled. My last daily letter was opened. My first shower at home has been taken. My pictures are up on Facebook. I guess I'm officially home...

I got back Friday night...so unreal. My last week in Malawi was really good. There was a lot of hanging out, debriefing, and just enjoying the time we had left. Monday through Wednesday we went to Lake Malawi. It was so beautiful. Tuesday and Wednesday morning I woke up early to watch the sunrise...if you're ever in Africa, check on the sunrise. I highly recommend it. Thursday we left, and Friday I landed in Jacksonville. So crazy that it's over. If you've read before, you have seen how I struggled, how I had to lean on God for everything. And oh, this was by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but I would not trade these past 2 months for anything. It was worth it. It was so worth it. All the pain, the heartache, the strife, and the struggles were worth going through and are completely outweighed by what the Lord has revealed to me.

One of my last letters from a friend mentioned Dueteronomy 2:7-- The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.

I feel like this very accurately describes my experience in Malawi. At the beginning of my trip, I came across several verses about the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years. They doubted God's good intentions and complained that it would have been better for them to stay in Egypt. Right away, I realized that Chiwengo was my desert, and in fact, I spent exactly 40 days there this summer. Chiwengo was rough and I doubted God's good intentions in the beginning and throughout my time, but God was faithful and just. He watched over me the whole time and provided in ways I could never have imagined. It was just a very good closing verse to the 2 months. 

Coming back home has been quite the adjustment. I feel off, like I'm stuck between two worlds. It is a tough place to be. There is a tension between poverty and excess, and it is a tension that I have been trying to work through. 

I've been struggling with how I can accurately convey all that I've seen and learned. How can I do it in such a way that the people I encounter back here in the States will understand it? My trip is so much more than what I did. It is more than tutoring kids, going to a village for outreach, or leading house devotions. It is about seeing children run up to you when you walk into their village because they are so eager for love, affection, and hope. It is about getting to see 88 of God's miracles everyday and knowing that God chose you to love on them in the homes at Chiwengo. It is about seeing God in the sunrises and the sunsets and knowing that He is good and that He is present in the midst of suffering. But how can I convey the feeling you get when a child says your name, when you walk through the tall grasses and know that this is all God's, when you see the suffering and know that the Lord of the universe holds them in His hand? I don't think I ever could. But, oh how I wish I could. How I wish I could describe the depth and the extent of what I experienced. And while I don't think I ever could, I would love to try.

I would love to return to the place that has captured a piece of my heart, to the country that has opened up a whole new world for me. It is a world that has been here all along, but it is a world that I was unaware of. There is so much going on in this world that we are unaware of--overseas, in our country, and even in our neighborhood. A huge key is that you will only see as much of God as you want to see. You will only see as much of the suffering that you want to. Will you chose to let God open your eyes to Him and what He wants you to do? 

Even though my internship is over, my journey is not. It has just begun in a way. We hear it so much that there is an opportunity every moment of every day to be an offering. It's true, and I want to take hold of that. The faces of the hurting, the broken, and the suffering are the same no matter where you are in this world. So because of that, I am challenging myself to look in my everyday life for the things I saw when I was in Malawi. And I would challenge you all to do the same. I can't just come back home and relish/obsess over my time in Africa. I have to join in on His work here. Like I mentioned, my journey has truly just begun...

God didn't need me this summer in Malawi. But He chose me. And that fact that HE chose ME blows my mind, and I am so incredibly thankful that He did. This has changed my life in so many ways, and it is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. 

In addition to thanking God, I owe a huge thanks to all of you here in the States. Without your partnership, without your prayers and support, I would not have been able to have this experience. I would not have been able to go; I would not have been able to make it through. It was such an encouragement to have people back home praying for me, and even more amazing to have people I have never even met partnering with me. It was truly humbling, and I am so honored. Because of YOU, I was able to hold the hand of a child who so desperately needed love, to bring a smile to a malnourished kid's face, to serve Him in ways I never thought possible. Thank you. Thank you so much. I will never be able to express my gratitude or repay you for all that you helped me to do. 

I'm sure I'll be posting more in the next several days and weeks. Like I mentioned before, my pictures are up on Facebook if you want to see them. We will be creating a website for all the interns to post their pictures. I will post that link when it's available. 

If you are interested in hearing more about my trip, please let me know. Call me, email me, leave a comment, facebook me. I would love to tell you everything. 

If you want to learn more about COTN/find out ways to get involved, please check out their website. It is an amazing organization and one that I am excited to continue to partner with. 

Grace and peace to you all,

Kristen

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday -isaiah 58:10

a time.

So this week was a week of lasts…last bucket bath, last trip to the borehole, last house devotion, last day without running water, last day of tutoring, etc. It was a really weird week. I just can’t believe our ministry work is over. Well, really, our work is never over. Right now, I’m back at Njewa—we’re just hanging out here. Monday through Wednesday we will be at Lake Malawi. Thursday we leave. It will be good to just relax and reflect before we get home.

This week was pretty normal-house chores, devos, tutoring, a lot of just hanging out with the kids. Thursday we got to hike Kasunugu Mountain ( a local mountain) with about 25 of our kids. It was really tough—the altitude is killer for girls who live at sea level ha, but it was so worth it. The view from the top was so beautiful. We just hung out, ate lunch, and worshipped God at the top. It was a great way to spend the last full day at Chiwengo.

Yesterday we had to say goodbye…and it was awful. We were all in weird moods, including the kids. It was really hard when we saw them cry or they said they were sad. We had a final goodbye program with everyone right before we left. We sang and there were a few speeches. I got up and said a few things on behalf of the interns. After that, all the interns had to line up at the front while they sang a goodbye song and hugged us one by one. It was one of the worst things ever, and it was so hard to be strong and not cry. One song the kids would sing said “I’ll meet you in Heaven and we’ll sing songs together.” Even though I would love to come back, this could very well be the last time I may get to see these kids. It was tough, and even though it stinks that it was so hard, it means that God did something. Our hearts were touched. If it were easy, nothing really moved in us.

Friday morning I got to talk for a while to my favorite house parent, Donald. Of course he hopes that I come back, but he also said that it is time for me to go home, to be an ambassador. The best thing I can do now is to tell people what we’ve seen and about COTN. I am part of the COTN family now and part of my purpose in going home is to tell others about this ministry, about these children. I am nervous about going home. I know I’m going to be overwhelmed and very frustrated at times. I absolutely love the simplicity of life here. As soon as I go home, I’m going to be thrown into a whirlwind. However, as tough as it will be, it is God’s plan. I was brought here to be changed, and He’s calling me to something else now, to go back, to bring this change back home. My world is so much bigger now. Malawi is one of the least developed countries in the world, with the majority of people living on 50 cents a day. I have seen extreme poverty, and it now has a face. I have stared at it in the eyes. I have held its hand. I know its name. All of this would be a waste if I forgot this, if I went home and nothing was different. I can’t forget this—the people, the way I’ve seen God move, the things He’s done in my heart. God wants me home now, to serve Him there. And as sad as leaving is, I’m excited to tell others about these children and this country that have captured a piece of my heart.

Continue to pray for us during these next few days at debriefing and for our adjustments back home. I’m sure it will be an emotional couple of days. Thanks for everything. I love you and miss you all, and I’ll see you real soon.

there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance -ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

james 1:4

Well, I'm sitting in Paradise (or Njewa as we call it) as I type this. We came up yesterday for the weekend. One of the national staff members got married today so we got to go to that. Went to the ceremony this morning and back for dancing at the reception in a few hours. Cool stuff. Now onto a recap of the past week...

Well right after I posted last Thursday something happened that completely broke me down. I'm better now but I reached my breaking point. It was a long time coming--I hadn't broken down and cried since the first night in Chiwengo. We've always asked "If you had a ticket home, would you go?" And I have always said no, but Thursday I would have said yes. Satan was attacking me and discouraging me so much. I was realizing how long I'd been gone and how much time I have left. And I didn't know how I could do any more. I was forced once again to rely on God and find my strength in Him. It's really hard because usually when Satan's a punk, I can tell someone and they'll pray, but you can't do that here. Your usual support system is gone and that really rocks your world. I was really learning about how to find sole comfort from God alone because people just couldn't fix it--here or at home. Because of that breakdown and everything in general, I've been learning so much about perseverance. Even though it's tough sometimes, I can do this. God will give me strength.

I mentioned before that the kids had exams and were studying for them. Well, we found out their scores this week and all the kids I tutor passed. I was so proud. They'll move up to standard 7 in Sept.

The kids were on break this week, the aunties were gone, and we had 2 teams in so it was a crazy wee. One team was from Hawaii and spent most of their time doing outreach with the Jesus Film. I had the chance to go with them Tuesday to a showing of it. It was so cool. We did outreach with the kids. I was partnered with 2 of the Hawaii team. They were a bit unsure what to do so I helped with games and songs and then let them take over for the message. I kinda just wanted to facilitate since it was their thing, and I just loved standing back and watching God work through them. Leading teams has been something I've wanted to do for a while and I'm really considering it more. I'd love to plan trips and lead them. A trip out to Chiwengo would be sweet. Any takers? Ha.

I got sick Wednesday. It just came out of nowhere. So Wed and Thurs I spent all day in bed. We took my temperature Wednesday and I had a fever. I just cried as I saw the numbers go up because it's not fun being sick in another country. I was miserable and bummed I missed out on the kids, but I had a lot of time to think. It's hitting me more and more that this is coming to an end, how much I'll miss these kids, how I'll miss AFrica. Even though this has been the hardest thing I've ever done, this has been my home for the past several weeks and I have loved my experience. This is a part of me. The kids have been asking when we're leaving. I think we're going Sat morning or Fri night for good. It's going to be hard to say goodbye, and we aren't supposed to cry in front of the kids. Just please pray for strength in regards to that. I've been preparing myself for the whirlwind of emotions I'll be experiencing these next 2,3,4 weeks--the goodbyes, the excitement of going home, adjusting back to the States and school, processing what I've been through and what has happened to me. I've definitely changed. I'm definitely stronger than I was before. And I think differently about things now. God has revealed a lot to me and I know he has a lot left to reveal in this last week of ministry, my last week in Africa, and the weeks at home. Thanks for the prayers. Til next time...

perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything -james 1:4

3 weeks to go...

I've been having a good few days since my post last week. The weekend at Njewa was a lot of fun and much needed. It was really good to catch up with the other interns and see what God has been doing in their lives. We got to just relax the whole weekend. We even had pizza and ice cream Friday. Oh man--it was heaven. Sunday morning we went to Flood Church. 4 of the interns at Njewa go to Flood in San Diego. Flood did a church plant in Malawi and so we got to go. Us Chiwengo interns were so happy. Church in Chiwengo consists of sitting there for 3 or 4 hours not being able to understand anything. We always bring books to read ha. We sang songs we knew in English and we could understand the sermon! I have been missing church, but I didn't realize how much I missed it until Sunday. As a Christian, you really need that nourishment and fellowship. Church was much needed.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was getting to talk to my parents, my sister, and Amy Scott. I got to talk to them on Saturday, and it made my day. I was actually really nervous an hour or so before I was going to talk to them. I mean, I haven't talked to them in a month. It was so good to hear their voices, and I definitely cried all 3 times I was on the phone. Talking to home made some of the girls homesick and I was nervous it would make this next month harder, but it did just the opposite. I was so encouraged by the conversations no matter how short they were. It really gave me the push I needed to get through the last 4 weeks or so. The whole weekend really recharged me and I was pumped to be back in Chiwengo Sunday night.

I've mentioned before that this is the hardest thing I've ever done and that it's really teaching me to rely on God. I think that's probably the biggest thing I'm going to get out of this internship. I'm learning a lot about perseverance and getting through each day with the help of God's strength. As of right now, my heart isn't really in Chiwengo. I don't mean that in a bad way and I don't mean that I hate it. It's just that it's not something that truly moves me and makes me come alive--like working in children's homes and stuff. Some interns are at home here and God is telling them this is what I want you to do. And it's not like that for me so that makes it a little harder for me. I mean, I love these kids and I love COTN, but Chiwengo is simply not me. HOwever, throw me in a village of kids during outreach and I love it. Even this heart issue is teaching me to rely on God, so I can't complain really. I was talking to Keltner (one of the leaders) about maybe coming back next year and staying at Njewa. We'll see...that's a summer away...

I feel like John 15:5 has been a theme for me--the whole vine and branches and remaining in Him thing. That's something I've been really trying to do and praying about.

So usually we don't go into town until Saturday, but we're here today. This weekend is really busy so they gave us today off. The sports tournament is this weekend. And the Njewa interns are coming Saturday for the weekend! I am excited about that. We're going to show them what we do and they're excited to help us out. Sunday we have 2 teams coming--Hawaii and Colorado? So next week should be crazy. We're also celebrating Christmas in July on Sat..complete with secret santa. I have McKenna...shh..

So...witchcraft is a big thing in Malawi, and we are experiencing that firsthand at Chiwengo. There are 2 witches that have been talking to some of our kids. There is such a fight for their souls and these kids are so impressionable. Witchcraft is a scary thing and I am concerned for the kids here. Even though many in Malawi are "Christian," witchcraft is still present. We have been really praying for these kids lately in regards to this and I ask that you would do the same. It's such a dangerous thing to be playing with.

I have about 2--2 1/2 weeks left and Chiwengo and I'm trying to make the most of them. I've been learning that something even as small as holding a hand or smiling makes a difference. One of the national interns told us that whenever an azungu held her hand as a child, she wouldn't wash her hands for days. Makes you think about what you're doing...and every hand you hold.
I am continually blown away by the support and prayers. My mom told me that there is a prison in Jax praying for us--so cool. God is so good. Keep it up, friends. I'll see you soon.

but i press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me -philippians 3:12

living on a prayer.

Its the halfway point. 4 weeks since Ive left and 4 til I return. We busted out that Bon Jovi song earlier today when we realized that, and McKenna was like hey we really are living on a prayer. And as corny as that sounds, we are. God has challenged me in so many ways so far and has forced me to rely on Him in ways that i have never had to before. Each day is a challenge—with water and cooking or being far from home or just so many of the random things that come up. I constantly have to rely on Him to get me through it all. There are some days when I have no idea how I am going to make it through the next one, but I know that with God I can..I just have to remain in Him, pray, and take it one day at a time.

Right now I am sitting in Njewa at our midway retreat. All the Chiwengo girls are so excited to be here. It is like a vacation for us—running water, showers, no cooking. It is amazing. I flipped out when I could wash my hands under a faucet ha. It has been cool to see the other interns as well. We just got here, so we have not spent that much time with them yet, but I am excited to talk to them and exhange stories. I missed these guys—one girl screamed and ran to tell the others when we pulled in ha. Feels like old friends.

This week has probably been the best week so far. Everything is clicking. On Wednesday, Anna, Morgan, and I went to a hut that belonged to a man named Maxwell. COTN had established a relationship with this man years ago and so us three have started to go every Wednesday. We had to mud the floors in his house to smooth them and make them stronger—so much fun. Yesterday we went to Gideon village for outreach. I was standing around while the people were breaking into groups for the message, and one of them uncles came up to me and asked if I had my Bible. I told him I did and he pointed to a group of about 20-30 older girls and told me to preach to them. I had about a minute to collect my thoughts and figure something out. Crazy. And I had to use an interpreter. But God helped me through it! I have been getting closer to the kids, and I enjoy just hanging out with them—even though it is really exhausting. We do not have that much time to ourselves so that is tough as well and forces me to rely on God a lot more.

One of my favorite things to do is to just go on a walk around Chiwengo. Its been hot lately—every other week was cold. This week has been nice so Ive gone on a lot of walks and just talked to God. It is still so unreal that I am standing on African soil.

One thing that I will not miss in the States is the constant staring. People are always staring at us because we are azungus—white people. One of the funniest things that happened to me was when McKenna and I were walking out of a house after morning chores. There were two little kids just sitting right outside. They saw us and ran away screaming and crying. So unreal and hilarious—apparently blonde hair really scares them though..like ghosts ha.

Even though it is a month away, I know the return home is going to be really hard so please pray for that. It is going to be hard to leave the kids. I am excited to go home and share my stories, but it is going to be tough. I will definitely experience culture shock. In addition to that, having to go back to school is going to be really hard. Thanks for all the support so far—and the letters that I get everyday! The other interns all say that I have the best friends. So thanks for your love and prayers and support. They help keep me going. Keep it up for this next month!

Love,
Kristen

whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did -1 john 2:6

one.

It's hard to believe it's been 3 weeks. I feel like I've been here forever and I'm not even halfway done yet. Still have 5 weeks to go, but I know these next weeks will go by fast. I have less than a month until we head back for debriefing. Crazy.

We've gotten into our routine here at Chiwengo, but this week was a bit different. "Daddy Chris"--Chris Clark, the president/founder of COTN, came to visit yesterday and today. This whole week there have been rehearsals for singing/dancing welcome program every night in place of devotions at the house. We also have been cleaning like crazy--everything had to be perfect. It's just been really cool to see firsthand the heart behind COTN. We had a meeting with Chris Clark this morning and it made me love COTN even more. It's not enough to just rescue children and raise them. They must be transformed and in turn, transform the nations. That's what COTN is about and I love it. We've been hearing more of their stories lately. Most of these children are double orphans and it is said that COTN has a gift for finding the worst of the worst and taking them in. And that just makes me want to love on these kids even more. It's so fun to just see their eyes light up when you smile at them.

In addition to Daddy Chris coming, the children started their midterm exams this week. These are huge. We've been tutoring the kids a lot lately. It's been encouraging because they will actually seek us out for extra help. I have standard 6 (6 grade) and I'm making them memorize their multiplication tables. It's sad how far behind they are, but progress is being made. I was doing flash cards with one of my kids, Benson, while waiting for the rest to show up. I would pause for a bit and he would say "Auntie, go." It made me smile to see that he wanted to learn more and encouraged me to keep it up.

So our independence day was Saturday and Malawi's was monday. Pretty cool.

God's been teaching me a lot. He's really been forcing me to rely on Him for everything. We ran out of drinking water this week so we had to use purification tablets in the regular water. I was nervous, but just little things like that are teaching me to trust Him and know that He's got this. And He's got all these children. And He's got everybody. He's showing me how much we need to step up and care for the widows and orphans in their distress. We have to stand up for the broken, the oppressed. We have to fight injustice. We belong to the richest nation in the world and we could easily solve the worlds problems, but we need to step up. The church in America isn't doing too weel at being the Church. God requires us to act. It's part of His plan to redeem the world for us to care for those less fortunate than ourselves. The Church must step up to the plate. There's too much at stake not to. A lot of the times I'll pray for God to give me a passion. And we all do that--like show me what you want me to do. But I've learned that God just wants us to act. So that's what I'll do. I'm just going to act. I can't sit down while so many in the world are suffering. When 50,000 a day die from poverty related causes. When 1 billion live on less than $1 a day. When children are caring for their parents dying of AIDS. So I'm going to act. And I'm going to act with all my heart this next month.

2 things really stuck with me from this past week:
1. 2 of our kids went to a funeral for their uncle. He was beaten to death in a village.
2. I was playing outside with some of our kids when I noticed 3 kids who weren't ours just standing there. They had tattered clothes and swollen bellies and looked sad. I started playing with them, and they just lit up. And I loved it. I just wanted to show them that someone cared and acknowledged them. That's what it takes. That's what we need to do--to show people that we do care for them. That someone acknowledges them and wants to make them smile. And that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. We are called to act. It's not optional. Big or small. Just act. We can only change the world one person at a time. And I want to be that one person for someone. And God has called me here this summer to be that one person.

the spirit of the sovereign lord is on me, because the lord has annointed me to preach good news to the poor. he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners -isaiah 61:1

His terms.

Hello all! I'm in an internet cafe in the city of Kasungu right now. The internet is so slow...but hey, atleast it's technology! To get here we had to take a bike taxi--there is a padded seat on the back of a bike that you sit in. It's about a 25 minute ride down here. Scary at first but a lot of fun!

Wow. 2 weeks. I still can’t believe I’m here. I’d love to say that since I’ve gotten to Africa, everything has been amazing, but that would be a lie. God has stretched me so much already and this is definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now onto the details…

After arriving in Malawi on Sunday, June 21st, we went over to Njewa. It’s COTN’s mission center in Lilongwe. We spent the first 3 days at Njewa getting to know each other and more about COTN and Malawi. I love all the interns and those first couple of days were so much fun. We went to Chitipi on Sunday after we arrived. Chitipi is a children’s home and farm by Njewa. The kids there welcomed us with song and dance and we got a tour. It was our first introduction to COTN, and it was a really good one at that. One day we went into the market in Lilongwe for a scavenger hunt. We had to find and buy items on a list that are used in a Malawian meal. We also went to another village to help with the feeding program and see the widows ministry.

As I mentioned in previous posts, I am interning at Chiwengo Village. I am interning with 5 other girls (Katie, Anna, Tammy, McKenna, and Sarah). Katie and Tammy are juniors at Georgie. McKenna and Anna go to South Carolina, and Sarah goes to We left for Chiwengo Wednesday afternoon (June 24). It was bittersweet. I was sad to leave all the other interns, but excited to get this shindig underway. So the 6 of us girls and our 2 intern leaders packed up and drove the 2 hours to Chiwengo. Let’s just say that when we arrived, we were completely overwhelmed. You see, Chiwengo is a bit intense. Most of the times we do not have running water. We have to go to a borehole, a pump, that’s about a football field distance away from the house. We take buckets of water to fill and then we have to carry them back. Pumping the water gets tiring, but carrying it back is the worst part. We feel really weak a lot of the times because little kids can carry more than we can (and even do it on their heads). When we actually get running water (which is a rarity and usually in the middle of the night…that means we have to wake up), we all rush to the bathroom tubs to fill up the buckets. We love when the water comes because that means less trips to the borehole! Since we don’t have running water, we take bucket baths. First, you have to boil water to heat it up and kill germs. Then you put it in a bucket with cooler water to dilute it. After that, you sponge bathe it up. Since bathing is such an ordeal, we only do it once every 2, 3, or 4 days, but you have to wash your feet everyday or you’ll get parasites. In addition to the pain of taking a bath, flushing the toilet isn’t easy as well. If you want to flush, you have to fill the tank with water. We have to cook all our meals and hand wash all our dishes. We have teams of 3 people that rotate on cooking—so you end up cooking 4 times a week. At the end of the summer, I will be an expert on cooking Malawi style but I will still stink with cooking back home. The power goes out usually everyday around 6 for 2 or so hours –it’s something the government does. If the power goes out while we are cooking dinner, we have to go outside and cook it over the fire. So let’s just say that nothing at Chiwengo is easy and that it’s one heck of a party. All of this completely overwhelmed all of us upon arrival, and I ended up breaking down and crying as soon as we arrived. As soon as I started, we formed a circle and just prayed it up. It was actually really cool. The other girls are amazing; we all get along really well and I’m lucky that I was placed with such a great team. In addition to the interns from the States, there are 6 national interns (5 girls, 1 boy). They are Malawians who intern with COTN for the summer.

I’m still settling in and trying to figure Chiwengo out. The past two weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. There was a lot of questioning God as to why I am here and why He placed me where I did. I had to continually rely on Him and trust in His good intentions.

Each morning we wake up around 5:30 to go to the children’s homes to wake the kids up at 6. We do morning devotions with them and other random chores the Aunties or Uncles want us to do. Monday through Wednesday we tutor kids in the afternoon. I tutor standard 6, and it’s crazy how far behind kids here are. I’m teaching them their multiplication tables—that’s something I did in 3rd grade. Thursday and Friday we walk to local villages and do outreach to kids. We sing, play games, and give a message. This is my favorite. This is where you get to see the real Malawi. The kids just are so loving and so needing of love. In addition to tutoring and outreach, we also just hang out with the kids and play with them. At night we go into their homes and do devotions. We’re usually in bed by 9 or 10 and ready to start the next day.

I have learned that Malawian faith is not very deep. These kids know so much about the Bible, but they don’t have that strong of a personal relationship. That’s how it is with most people. They can literally say that God saved them, but that’s the extent of it.

Well I think that’s it for now. I wish I could write everything that I’ve learned, but I think that will have to do. God is stretching me and breaking me. He is teaching me to rely on Him and to serve Him on His terms and not mine…and that is a very tough thing to learn. And Chiwengo is definitely His terms.

Oh also check out the COTN malawi blog. It has more regular updates from the team.

Well Happy 4th. Have a hot dog for me.

religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world-james 1:27

transatlanticism.

So I'm in London right now. Landed at 7am here (aka 2 back home)--next flight at 9ish. Bah. I was supposed to meet up with some other interns and then go into London and meet Crystal Hutcheson...but I can't find anyone anywhere. London is crazy huge. The interns were supposed to meet up at the gates...but London doesn't announce the gate numbers until 2 hours before the flight--that means i have like 7 hours til I know where to go. I think 4 others should have arrived by now...but I heard some flights have been late and I don't know if they fall under that. It's crazy...and let's just say I'm really struggling right now...

Nothing has been smooth since I have left Jacksonville. My flight from Jax to Miami was delayed an hour and a half...wasn't too big of a deal considering I would still have a 3 hour layover before flying to London. It rained in Miami. I ended up sitting in the plane on the runway for 2 hours waiting for them to let us in. I ended up having a bit under an hour til my next flight boarded. Getting around Miami sucks...I had to go through security again even though I never left the airport (and then I had to go through it again because I forgot I filled up my water bottle in Jax bah). So it ended up being a rush. On my two flights I've mostly slept and cried. I'm exhausted. It's ridiculous. I just feel like I'm going to collapse. It's been hard lately. It's hitting me how long two months is and how I won't be able to talk to/see my family or my best friend. A group of my friends got together and wrote one letter for everyday I'm gone...so that has been really encouraging. It's just been tough. I feel really alone. And I know Satan is a punk and is really trying to get to me right now. I'm in constant prayer pretty much, which isn't really a bad thing ha. Psalm 62 is something I'm repeating over and over to myself. I just really need His strength right now.

On a good note--I got football tickets for the gators! Go Gata!!

find rest, o my soul, in God alone -psalm 62:5

this is it. don't get scared now.

So I'm leaving for the airport in a matter of minutes. Crazy. It hasn't hit me yet, and it probably won't until I land in Malawi. Please keep my travels and all of the interns travels in your prayers. This is also the last time I will be able to get online until the first week of July. They say the first 2 weeks are the hardest, so please keep us all in your prayers during this time. We won't have contact with anyone back home and so it's going to be a tough few weeks. I'll definitely post when I can though!

On another note...thanks for all the calls, emails, and texts that I received yesterday. It was comforting to know that I'm in your thoughts and prayers. Have a good 2 months. 

See you in August!

oh and I hope you know what movie the title is from.

i love the recklessness of faith. first you jump, and then you grow wings.

matter of time.

Well, it is Sunday, June 14...so that means I'm leaving for Malawi in a matter of days--5 to be exact. Friday is getting closer and closer, and with it, I'm getting more nervous and excited. It just seems so unreal that Africa is so close. I've been in a constant countdown since March, and I'm finally able to count the days on one hand. Crazy. In one week, I'll be standing on African soil. That blows my mind.

During my time in Malawi, I will be living in a village called Chiwengo with 5 other interns and 2 intern leaders. It was originally built by a former president of Malawi for visiting friends and relatives. Chiwengo is a western-style neighborhood with paved roads and western-style homes, complete with running water and electricity. However, both are usually off during the day--that means bucket baths and using restrooms outside. Oh boy. The rest of the interns (11?) and intern leaders are staying at Njewa Mission Center. Conditions are a bit tougher at Chiwengo and even though we were told that we could try to get on the internet once a week, that is no guarantee at Chiwengo. 

COTN has been sending out a lot of stuff lately to all the interns to make sure everyone is good to go. I got an email this week that explained in more detail what exactly I will be doing in Malawi. I am just so excited about our assignments. Here is part of the email:

Interns at Chiwengo have three primary ministry activities: tutoring, outreach, and sports tournament. 

Our children lead outreaches to nearby villages. Interns will be assigned to teach the Gospel, organize sports and games, and encourage COTN children to be active in sharing their faith. Some activities might include: scripture memory, Bible stories with puppets, soccer, frisbee, contests (fastest runner). This is not only a chance to teach the Gospel, but also to encourage COTN kids to be excited to share the Good News.

The sports tournament is a week-long event near the sixth week of your internship. You will organize a soccer tournament and a netball tournament for teens. The most important aspect of the tournament is preaching to the crowds that will forms. As many as 400 spectators may come out for the final soccer match. That will be a huge opportunity to show the light of Christ to a village that needs the light of Christ.

How sweet is that?!

You might have noticed some links on the right hand of the page. Let me elaborate on these:

-children of the nations: main website for COTN

-cotn malawi interns site: blog/website for the interns in Malawi--another way to keep updated on what is going on in Malawi

-cotn global interns blog: Blog for all the interns with COTN this summer in Malawi, Sierra Leone, Dominican Republic, and Uganda. Every intern has access to this blog and can post updates.

I mentioned in the last post that God is really using preparation for this trip to show me how blessed I truly am. I went to Atlanta on Friday to see the Fray and Jack's Mannequin in concert with Amy Scott and Sarah Joseph. When we got back yesterday, I walked in to my house to find a surprise 21st birthday/going away party with some of my favorite people. It was amazing and I'm so thankful for it. It meant so much since I'll be spending my birthday in Africa (June 25!). No communication with the outside world at that time so that means no "happy birthday phone calls" from family. Sad day. I definitely don't deserve it, but it means to world to be so supported and loved.

I feel like I have a lot that needs to get done before I leave Friday. There's a list of errands to run and things to get. This is stressing me out a bit, and I don't want to head into Africa being frazzled and stressed. If you could pray about that, it would be awesome. My nerves are also getting worse. Yes, I'm excited, but the fact that it's 2 months makes me scared sometimes. I pray also that God would calm my every fear and that I will trust in Him. I know He's got my back.

so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe -philippians 2:15

hey june.

So it's finally the month of June...the month I will be finally leaving for Malawi. It seems so unreal that I will be leaving in a little over 2 weeks--crazy. It still hasn't hit me yet. 

I have been blown away by the support of everyone lately. Just to know that I have so many people praying for me and pulling for me is amazing and something I can never really repay. To those who have been following me, praying for me, encouraging me, and especially those who have been with me from the start, thanks so much. It means the world to me--YOU mean the world to me. God has really been using the weeks up to the trip to show me how much I am loved and supported. And that to me, is simply amazing. 

With it being a little over 2 weeks out, my nerves are really starting to get to me. I've had times where I'm just like "What the heck am I doing?" I know it is going to be an awesome 2 months, but it is still crazy to think about sometimes. I've never done anything like this, and it freaks me out at times. So if you could really just pray about my nerves and to fully trust in God in the days leading up to Africa and while I'm in it, that would be swell.

One of the things I'm really nervous about is the fact that I will not be able to really talk to anyone for 2 months. Yes, I'll be able to post weekly updates after the second week, but I can't call my family or my best friend up if something comes up. That's really hard for me to even comprehend. However, as hard as that will be, I am so stoked to be able to rely on God in a way we don't really have to here in the States. I will be forced to call Him up first, and I'm so excited for that. I'm excited for my relationship with God to grow and get stronger. While it is going to be ridiculously hard for me, I know it is worth it and I am stoked about it. I know He'll help me get through it, but man, is it going to be tough.

In addition to having a hard time with not being able to communicate with people really, I know that there are going to be times when I struggle with things in general. I pray that God would give me the strength to stick it out. I know He can help me with anything. He can get us all through anything. And that's amazing.

I've been feeling really inadequate lately--like I'm so unprepared and not ready. I know that God is not going to give me something I can't handle. I know that we're perfect for whatever He throws in front of us. The thing is, I have to trust that. "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." It's one of my favorite quotes, and something my good friend reminded me of last night. I know He'll take care of me and provide for me, and I take comfort in that, but I also need to trust in that. That quote will probably stick with me the next several weeks. Thanks, friend, for reminding me.

I feel like there's a lot to do before I leave so that is kind of freaking me out. It is also really hard because I come back August 14, and classes start August 24. Not only will I have to adjust to life back in the States, but then I have to adjust back to life at UF. Crazy transitions. 

I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for your love and support!

Run down on what to pray for:

--My nerves, that God would calm them and that I would trust in Him through it all

--Getting everything done before I have to leave

--For God to be preparing my heart for this journey

--To really rely on God when I'm in Malawi; That my relationship with God would just get even stronger and to know that He is the source of true comfort; That when I miss people, I turn to God and He helps me get through it.

--To trust in Him that He will provide and equip me

--For His strength to get me through things when I struggle

--This is far in advance, but for my return and the transitions back to the U.S. and UF.

i will make you as a light for the nations, that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth. -isaiah 49:6

stay updated.

After my first two weeks in Malawi, I will be able to post updates when I am able to get on the internet. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post weekly updates. These updates will be posted on this blog.

Beginning June 1, I will be posting prayer requests. It would mean so much if you read through those and took the time to pray.

Thank you for your partnership.

but i chose you and appointed you to go. -john 15:16

old posts.

I'm transferring posts from my old blog to this one. There's only a few, but I figured I would post them. Happy reading.


declaration.
December 17, 2007
we are so “us-centered” as christians.

i’ve come to realize that so many times we fail to see the big picture. we get so caught up on our own lives, that we fail to realize that it’s not about us. it’s about God. God’s main purpose is to bring glory to Himself. one of the main ways He does this is through us. He desires to be worshipped. that is why the main purpose of us as christians is missions. it frustrates me because so many christians think missions is for the few radical ones, that some people are only “called” to missions. if everyone was waiting for a “call,” there’d be very few people out there in the world. missions isn’t a “occupation” that some people go into. it’s not just for a few. it’s for everyone. everyone’s flipping job in this world is missions. and yes, that might not mean going out to a foreign country, the thing that is so commonly associated with the term missions, but it does mean declaring God’s glory to all nations, regardless where you are physically in life.

so many times we lose sight of the fact that it is all about HIM. it’s all about His glory. it’s all about making Him known. we live “me-centered” lives. we pray prayers like “God help ME in this hard time” or “God show ME where to go.” we sing songs at church that are all about US. we focus on the sin and what it does to US as people and how that draws US from God. so often we leave out the part that mentions God’s glory. our prayers should be more like “God use me in whatever way so that your glory is made known even more.” we fail to see that everything God does is to bring glory to His name.

i’ve been reading a book (live life on purpose) and it’s all about missions and glorifying God. i highly recommend it. to anyone. seriously. in the book it says, “sin wages war against the glory of God.” and i believe that so many times we do not see that part. it’s not that sin hurts us. it’s not that sin hurts others. it’s that sin hurts our purpose of glorifying God. it’s all about Him. if people see us saying we’re christians, but acting totally different, that defames God’s name. it’s so mind blowing to realize that everything God does and has ever done is for His glory. that’s why He set apart the nation of Israel, so that through them, He may be glorified. that’s why He became so upset when they worshipped idols (or even when we worship idols..)…He was scared the other nations would be so confused as to who the real God was. He wants people to know Him. He wants people to glorify His name. He wants all to be drawn to Him in worship. it’s up to us. worship is the central part of missions. God just wants to be glorified even more. and i just think it’s so glorious that the God of all, who wants to be glorified in everything, chooses us as the vehicles by which His name is glorified. it really makes you step back and think, what am i doing? am i defaming or proclaiming the name of God? that’s a huge thought. it’s a huge responsibility. but if we don’t do it, if we don’t step up, it’s never going to get done.

declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among ALL peoples.-1 chronicles 16:24



run.
December 13, 2007

beholding Your beauty is all that i long for. to worship you, Jesus, is my sole desire. for this very heart You have shaped for Your pleasure, purposed to lift Your Name higher.
here in surrender, in pure adoration, i enter Your courts with an offering of praise. i am Your servant, come to bring you glory, as is fit for the work of Your hands.
now unto the Lamb, who sits on the throne, be glory and honor and praise. all of creation resounds with the song. worship and praise Him, the Lord of lords.
Spirit, now living and dwelling within me, keep my eyes fixed ever on Jesus’ face. let not the things of this world ever sway me. i’ll run til i finish the race

it’s overwhelming when the God of the universe shows up, when He speaks to you.

i think it’s so cool letting the one who created it all guide my steps. i mean, why wouldn’t i let Him do that? i have no flipping idea what to do with my life, so why wouldn’t i give it to the one who knows all, who knows my purpose? it’s just so cool. there’s such a sense of security knowing that you only move when He speaks. of course, it’s scary and overwhelming when He does it. it’s frightening when the God of all chooses to whisper in your ear. but it’s always for the best. He speaks. it’s just the figuring out what He means by it that’s hard and whether you choose to obey or not.

two nights ago i was sitting at dinner, just like any other night. but this time it was different. God decided to speak. i’ve learned that one of the ways God shows up most in my life is through “coincidences,” which really aren’t coincidences at all. he’ll bring something up one day that i never heard of before and it will come up in several places over the next few days. such is the case with youth with a mission. the past two days i have been highly considering taking a year off from school to train with ywam for 6 months. if you want to know more about this and how God exactly showed up, let me know and i’ll explain. ywam has a training program for the 10/40 window. you go through training in germany or jerusalem for 12 weeks, and then you go work in africa or asia somewhere for the rest of the time (10-12 wks). and i was like wow that’s really cool, i’ll probably do that when i get out of college since they offer them every year. but here’s the thing…this year’s programs start september 29, 2008 and go through march 2009. and so it occurred to me, maybe God wants me to go this upcoming year. and that means i would have to take a year off from school since the program occurs at such a weird time.

that’s something that i’ve been praying about constantly the past 2 days. i went to the beach yesterday. by myself. to be alone with God. and all i repeatedly heard was “wait. kristen, wait.” i’m not sure if that means wait to go for a while, or wait and i’ll give you more clarification. but looking back, i’m not so sure this whole thing was a thing from God that was like “GO. NOW.” yes, i believe that it was God showing me an organization that i could probably work with. but maybe it was Him giving me more clarity on what i’m going to be doing with my life. and i think in a way, He was waking me up from my slumber yet again, causing me to rely on Him and seek Him and His will with my whole heart—jeremiah 29:13. i mean, why can’t i seek Him fully all the time? why is it only when i’m discerning His will or when he shows up? why do i only seek Him in the quiet, in the silence, in the times of waiting?

i don’t really know what God wants me to do about this ywam thing…if he wants me to go this upcoming year or if He has some other reason behind it. but no matter what it is, i’m going to follow. that song at the beginning is pretty much my favorite song right now. “lord of lords” by hillsong. and it’s exactly what i’m feeling right now. i won’t let anything stand in my way. i’m going to follow Jesus through everything. that’s the reason i’m here—to give HIM glory. i’m going to run til i finish the race.

i will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; i will counsel you and watch over you. -psalm 32:8

but i trust in you, o LORD; i say, “you are my GOD.” my times are in your hands. -psalm 31:14-15



here in my life
December 11, 2007

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet
But at Your word, Lord I’ll receive
Your faith to walk on oceans deep
-”here in my life” hillsong

i’m flipping obsessed with the new hillsong cd, “saviour king.” i think it’s my favorite hillsong/hillsong united cd of all time. and that song hit me very hard today with that first verse. lately i’ve been learning a lot more about faith, about following wholeheartedly. over the years, especially the past 3, there have been several times when God called me to “walk on water” and do things i haven’t necessarily wanted to do. He’s called me to give up on my own dreams, put my own desires aside, and follow where He wants me to go. and it’s always been really hard, but it’s always been worth it.

He’s been working on my heart a lot more lately, especially with the whole Him wanting me in the 10-40 window in the next few years, a place that i never wanted to go before in my life. the 10-40 window is the place even christians are scared to go to. and i was one of those. but God definitely changed my heart. and now i would not go to any other place. why would i go to places where other people go already? why wouldn’t i go to an area of the world where there is one missionary for every 3 million people? why shouldn’t we go to the place that needs His love the most, even if it is terrifying? God doesn’t call us to be safe. and i’ve learned that even more in the past few weeks.

lately, i’ve felt that tug on my heart that God is yet again preparing me for something. everywhere i go, people are talking about following Him no matter where He leads you. and that’s something i strive to do anyways, even if it means giving up what i want, which is usually what it entails ha. before, when this kind of thing happened, i would be terrified. i would be like what the heck is God going to do? and yes, i still ask that question. but now it’s more like i’m so flipping stoked to see what He is going to do, what He is going to call me to do for Him. it’s like alright God, bring it, i’m ready.

they always say that the first step is the hardest when following God…like the first step in giving something up. i disagree. i don’t think it’s the first step. it’s each step following the step preceding it. every step following the last one you took is even harder than the first. God constantly challenges us in ways we never dreamed of before, but each time He brings us through it, just like He promises us in His word. and we come out of it stronger and are ready for something even harder. God pushes us. and even though it’s tough sometimes, i’m so thankful for it because it moves us out of complacency and forces us to rely on Him even more.
sometimes i come to those times when i have no flipping idea what God wants me to do. i’m kinda like that now…like what do you want me to do next? i find that in those times, in the times where we are searching for His will, in the times of silence and waiting, we truly seek Him. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:13. that verse rings the truest in those times of waiting. so it’s kinda like, hey if we seek Him consistently during the times of silence, maybe God makes us sit in those times a little longer so we can truly seek after his heart. so even if we hate those times of waiting, they’re good for us. i like that thought.

so yea, i have no idea what God has up his sleeve. but i’m flipping stoked. and it will be hard, and require faith, but He gives us strength to be victorious in all situations, even though they seem insurmountable. and yea, this thing coming up is probably tough, but i’m still going to follow..because i’ve learned that we only truly live when we live for something bigger. and that something is a Someone who’s madly in love with you.



what are you man?
November 29, 2007

so i’ve been meaning to do one of these for a while. and i finally got around to starting it today…when i should have been studying for exams. i figured there would be no better way to start this off than with the thing that resounds the most to me, the thing that i strive more and more each day to become a part of me, the thing that is the center of it all. and that thing is not a thing but a noun. a verb. an action. an emotion. that thing is love. and that thing is everything.

so yesterday i was listening to one of my all time favorite songs, “simply nothing” by shawn mcdonald. and it’s definitely been impacting me a lot lately in my life. and the whole song is very simple. over and over again it says “what are you, man, if you do not learn love?” wow. holy flipping crap is all i can say about that. and hey, what exactly are we if we do not learn love? we’re simply nothing. it’s that easy. it’s that straight forward. without love, we are nothing. and that just stands out so strongly.

love has been a theme, or better yet, something that has constantly come up and something that i’ve constantly been trying to perfect since the summer. i find myself talking about it a lot, striving to be a lover. i guess you could say i love love. you see, love is the center of everything. it is the reason for everything. it is the most basic thing, yet the most difficult to master. it is so simple, yet so profound. it is easy to grasp but so difficult to comprehend. it heals. it protects. it conquers.

1 corinthians 13 says it best in verse 2: if i have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing.

you can do all the service projects in the world, but if you don’t do them in love, it’s worthless. it is the only thing that is eternal. everything else may fade, but love remains strong through it all. and love, yes love, is really what the world needs. not money. or clothes. or houses. or food. yes, they need that. but what they need most of all, the thing that will heal them in ways those necessities can’t, is love. and that’s what we are called to be. we are called to love. we are called to be lovers. we are called to be the remedy for this world, like david crowder so aptly puts it. so let us throw off everything we have that holds us back, and love. let us join a revolution firmly rooted in love.

“People always want to define you by what you do. I started saying, ‘I’m not too concerned with what I am going to do. I am more interested in who I am becoming. I want to be a lover of God and people.’” -Shane Claiborne